Favianna.com

Getting insecure, negative thoughts out of your mind so you can have creative flow

Every artist is hit with creative insecurity at one point or another. I'm not talking about the insecurity you feel around people, I'm talking about the insecurity, the self-doubt, the introspection that happens to your artistic flow. 

I haven't written a few weeks, and I've been reflecting on why this is. I usually have so much to say and share - new ideas, new projects, rants on all kinds of topics. But I noticed that since late last year, I got into a space where I didnt' know what quite to say, or what to share. I felt lost in fact, but not because I was depressed or anything like that - but because I had so many possibilities and possible pathways ahead of me - and it was intimidating me.

Last year was transformative for me in a multitude of ways - I got my heart broken and got healed up, I went through a intense surgery and gradually went back to normal activity, and I began a transition out of an organization I helped found and grow. 

This sense of new directions scared me because the changes were happening nearly all at once. It hit me in late December after my last art show. At that point, I didn't have the business factor to distract me, so I had to just sit with my emotions. I slowly realized that I had a bit of fear. Now that doors had closed, and new ones had opened - I didn't quite know how to move. So I didn't, I just stopped and decided to give myself time to sort through things. My flow came to a standstill - and I didn't write nor create new works. I had a looming deadline, but part of me was dreading to start drawing, wherease sually I can jump right in.

One night, I was reading a blog about a man who started a yoga school after he realized he was unhappy with his corporate job. He talked about the power people have in their minds and about the intense fear people can sometimes have of change. Something resonated with me. I consider myself a confident, successful woman, who isn't afraid to take risks - yet, the fact that I had so many changes coming and going, like rapid water currents - was intimidating the shit out of me. And I did what most people do, I caved into my insecurities and started self-doubting myself, which led to being unproductive, moody, and straight up negative.

I also entered into a space of anxiety. The year was ending for me, and with it comes a series of heavy questions that these so called holidays impose on our psyche - like what we have achieved, where we are headed, what are our goals for the new year. I usually spend my last days in December planning out my milestones for the next year. I make goals - I make some targets for how much money I want to make, how much I want to save, how much art I want to make, the places I want to travel to. But lately I've been noticing, I'm so concentrated on my future that I don't get to enjoy the present. 

So I decided not to do goals for 2012. In reality, I know exactly what I want to do. It's quite simple. I have 5 big things that I think about everyday, and I don't need to write them down. In fact, sometimes writing things down binds me to a path that I can't let go of. I think my intense planning has created such a restricted space, to the point where my weeks and months are planned out so much in advance. I don't have spaces for the accidental stuff, or the stuff that just happens with life. The stuff you can't plan for or anticipate. 

After some weeks of reflection, I promised myself to be fearless as I move forward. I told myself its ok to fail, and that I have to be affirmative to myself. Otherwise, I stand in my own way. I want to believe in myself, and really push myself to be experimental, to try things without aplan, to do the oppositve of what I've been doing for years (just to see how it feels). So I decided to be more frugal with my money and rather than shoot for large goals, which I do well, how could I make less, so that I can work less. After all, making more money often means taking on more projects. And yes, we all need money to make projects happen, but there is also a cycle that develops. And soon the cycle can dominate ones real desires.

I also decided to be less confined in my art. I have ideas for things that I want to do that I hold back on because it doesn't fit with who people perceive me to be. But making art is one of the ways I have a voice, and so, I want to be authentic to my thoughts, even if I may never be recognized for them, or even if they are incomprehensible. 

The problem is never how to get new, innovative thoughts into your mind, but how to get old ones out. ~ Dee Hock

Artists of the 99% - This Sat. Jan 14th in San Francisco

We are artists and art workers of the 99%. We are struggling to survive and sustain our creative practice in an economy that does not value us as workers, that privatizes cultural institutions and that continuously defunds art programs–from public education to government grants. We are putting our creative efforts towards this movement and considering our role in the fight for economic and social justice.

Hey Fam! I had a long break from writing, and I'm now excited to be back. January is kicking off to be a busy month. I have TWO presentations coming up in San Francisco this Saturday, January 14!

Artists of the 99% Panel

Join Artists of the 99% for a conversation and workshop about strategies for artists participating in social justice movements, including the international Occupy movement at Southern Exposure gallery. We will kick-start the discussion with a panel featuring:David Solnit (artist and activist, formerly of Art and Revolution), Jeff Chang (author of Can't Stop, Won't Stop: A History of the Hip-Hop Generation), myself, Favianna Rodriguez (artist who, along with Jeff Chang, organized Culture Strike against Arizona's SB1070 Immigration Law) and Zeph Fishlyn (of the Beehive Design Collective, making giant collaborative graphics for education and organizing). 

Saturday. January 14th @ 6 - 9PM
@Southern Exposure 3030 20th Street San Francisco

After the panel, we will hold small-group discussions to workshop our own ideas and experiences with the goal of connecting artists to each other and strengthening our movements for social and economic justice. Please bring your own ideas and experiences. Let's compare notes and share resources!

For more information or questions contact: artistsofthe99percent@gmail.com

Time is an artist's most valuable asset - Tips for Artists & Creatives

One of the things I do at the end of each year is lay out a plan for the year so that I have some kind of road map for my goals. I break up my plan into three areas: professional (art), financial, and personal. I make list of everything I want to do, from how much money I hope to make, to the cities I hope to visit, to how many pieces I want to create and topics I want to explore in my art, to getting more disciplined around my body (yoga and healthy eating).

I then break up my lists into timelines for the year and charts, so that I have some kind of numerical indicator of how my goals will apply to my real life. At times, my close peeps look at my plan and think I'm crazy neurotic, and a bit excessive (control freak), but I have found that when I write things down and create a map for myself, I live a more intentional life. I am one of those people that does not have a routine, don't have a 9-5 job, no children - a life where I'm in different cities in different parts of the month - the chaos needs order.

Being an artist, or any creative person for that matter, is also one of the most erratic and unpredictable careers one can choose. So I am a believer in applying processes to everything we do as artists, essentially, to view ourselves as entrepreneurs and treat our art like its a business - a business in the sense that we have to invest the time and resources into it so that it can become something sustainable in the future. I used to think that somehow I would magically be discovered, or that my work would speak for itself - but these are all myths - the reality is that having a successful art career means being incredibly disciplined, around how you spend your time, to how you reinvest in yourself. Especially for me as a woman of color that is not formally trained - I KNOW for a fact that the art-world is white male dominated so I do not have expectations that opportunities will magically come to me. I have go out and get that sh*t.

In this entry I will focus on one area - which is - sustainability. As artists, I believe we need to have multiple revenue streams that sustain our practice. That means generating income from a different sources. In my case, those sources are art sales, commissions, grants, royalties & licensing, and speaking gigs. What I did this year is take my target income for the year and break it down according to each area. That helps me then determine how I need to spend my non-studio time. So for example, if I need to get a grant or grants worth $50,000 - then I know that I need to be consistent with appyling to grants. It has to be something I spend 2-3 hours per week, so that I can apply to various grants (considering I may only get 1-2 out of the 20 I apply to).

How does this help me in the day to day? Well, when I know that I need 2-3 hours per week to do grant research, then I plan for that time. Instead of going out to dinner and the club at 8 PM, I can stay at home, do some research, and go out, say at 11 PM. Maybe 3 less hours of fun time, but 3 more hours I invested into myself. Discipline is key.

Planning goes a long way. Setting goals is something everyone should do - even if its a list you do on a napkin, do that for yourself.

Here is another thing I do which perhaps is a bit excessive, but I will share anyway - I count the hours in a day and do the math. There are 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week. That's 168 hours in a week. I need 9 hours of sleep cause I just do and I deserve my beauty rest- that means that I have 105 left to do other things. If I factor in 3 hours per day for meals, 1 daily hour exercising, 1/2 hour walking my dogs, 1 daily hour I spend in the car - that adds up to another 40 hours in the week. So I now have about 65 hours left. Substract my other jobs (30 hrs per week) and I have 35 hours left. I try to spend at least 30 hours a week on my art (people say I work too much - I know). So that leaves 5 hours in the week to do other things, like grocery shop, watch movies, go out on dates! WTF!? I am not in a relationship but if I was, my honey would not be too happy, that's for sure.

Do you see what is wrong with this picture? Its not very sustainable to have a life like this, so when I do the math, I realize I have to make choices if my art is a priority. I have to figure out how my art can become my full time job, and I have to overall, be picky about my time. This is why 2010 will be the last year I have another 30 hour job that is not my art. I have planned out my previous years enough so that I am now able to make that leap. I was not able to do this in 2006 but I can do it now. It took 4 years of planning to get to a point where I could do my art full time, but its worth it. Good things take a long time.

I would encourage all of you artsy heads to do the math, and see how much time you really have to do what you love. You may need to cut stuff out of your life, but at least by doing the math, you make an informed decision. You can do small things to increase your productivity hours, like taking public transit instead of driving so that you can work on a drawing, or a poem. Or you can do things like eat at home, so you don't waste time eating out, and you save money and probably eat better.

People ask me all the time how I learned how to do this stuff. Well, I have always liked making lists and charts, but I did not understand how I could apply this to my art until I took some workshop for artists. I read a lot of books designed for artists, and my favorite are shown in this blog

This evening, I took a Professional Development Workshop with Jaime Brunson at Kala, where I share a studio with other printmakers. I always try to take specific classes around these things because I enjoy learning new things, new approaches. One thing that Jaime really has down is web resources. I'm more of a book type of person but when she showed us some online resources, I thought they were so good I wanted to share them. Here are two that stood out, you can learn loads by reading these.

http://www.artcalendar.com/home.asp http://art-support.com/artisthelp.htm

It's 2 am and I need to get to sleep. I was hoping to write this blog in 1/2 hour but its taken me about 1 hour. That means I will sleep 8.5 hours instead of 9. Tee hee hee. Just kidding...

BOOKS I RECOMMEND

1. The Artist Guide by Jackie Battenfield, to purchase from independent book seller click here
2. Eat That Frog -21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time, click here
3. Art/Work: Everything You Need to Know (and Do) as You Pursue Your Art Career click here

Some other things I do to stay focused and not waste time

• Do the most daunting task first. The one that you is the most important and the one that will require the most time.
• Make a to do list every day
• Make a weekly to do list every week
• Prioritize your to do list and put the most important stuff on top
• Assess which are the time killers for you? For me its Facebook, chatting, and certain times of the night when I'm highly unproductive
• Set time limits to your tasks
• Create and value your personal space and which you don't get interrupted. This means that you need alone time to focus on stuff and not be distracted. If you are in an office, ask to not be interrupted during certain times.
• Document how you are spending your time and be aware of it. For example, I know that I need about 2 hours on cooking nights to cook, wash, and eat. I need 9 hours of sleep. Plus 1 hour to get ready each morning. That's already 12 hours, 1/2 of the day right there.
• Remember that as artists, time is our most valuable asset.

Posters, prints, dresses, tshirts - 10% off for December

I just launched by new online store and will be offering a 10% discount on all sales in December. It's easy to order. Just click here to visit my new store and when checking out, type in "decembersale" into coupon box. 

In my store, you can find fine art, limited edition prints, political posters, chic prints, esoteric prints, heartbreak prints, melancholic prints, calendars, books, t-shirts, and sexy dresses created by me.

Here are some of the new dresses I just released. Thank you for supporting my work.

And if you are in the Bay Area, you can save on shipping and come to my annual Open Studio on Dec. 17th, info here.

The Power of Forgiveness and Emotional Authenticity

On October 28th, I underwent surgery in my upper and lower jaws. One month later, I am halfway down the road to recovery. The journey thus far —from feeling major pain, to learning how to eat again— has been one that's required patience, creativity, and self-reflection.

Being ill and experiencing significant weakness in my body taught me a lesson in real life. I know that I was not alone in my journey, for there people all over the world who, at this very moment, are suffering and in pain due their health. And so my words are dedicated to those who who are in the world of the sick, the ill, and the incapacitated.

Being ill taught me how to be vulnerable and be ok with my feelings of insecurity.

For a while I had bruises all over my face and neck. I was swollen, and I and I felt...Ugly. I didn't always want to be seen.  I felt very dependent on people, and still do in some ways. I cried on my own, sometimes from frustation with eating, or boredom with my liquid diet, or just about the fact that I moved so slowly. But I had to share that with people openly. At first I was shy about it, but it made it easier for me to get through it. I had to openly talk about my vulnerabilities, and be emotionally authentic. I didn't have the energy or motivation to fake it.

Being ill taught me to how to listen to my body.

The old cliche of "your body is your temple" rang so true for me. In my healthy life, I move fast, sleep little, eat on the run, skip meals, and overall — put my body through the ringer. I cannot do that in my current state, and it has taught me to be more aware of what my body needs at a particular moment. Sometimes that's a nap, or a hot bath, or sitting down to slowly eat a meal. I keep it simple. And do one thing at a time. 

Being ill taught me how to forgive.

This was one of the most meaningful and painful lessons for me. One of my dearest friends was not there for me as I had expected. Even members of my close family didn't call. I was hurt by this, and my anger turned into resentment. And that resentment festered. I would lay for hours in bed thinking about how I had been forgotten, by people who I loved dearly. I missed them, but I was too proud to call them. "They knew I had gotten surgery, why didn't they call me?" I would ask myself. And slowly, I began to construct stories in my head about why these people had forgotten me, and that only made the monsters stronger. 

I had to reflect back on where I had learned this practice —this thing I was doing to myself— and guess what? I had learned it from one my parents. I remembered back to the time when I was a child, and feeling a void in my childhood because I had not met one of my grandmothers. Sadly, I didn't get to meet her until I was 25 years old because my parent held a grudge for 25 years - yes, 25 years! I only met my grandmother when she was on her death bed. At the very least, I'm thankful for holding her and saying goodbye on the day she passed.

What I realized is how little I knew about forgiveness. So I poked around, and found an affirmation that changed my view. It was simple, yet so true. It said:

Forgiveness is a gift I know give to myself and those around me. Forgiving makes me feel light and free. The more resentment I release, the more love I have to express. I am releasing the painful ties that bind me to you, by forgiving you.

So I contacted my friend with whom I was angriest, and I forgave him — because I wanted to allow love to come into my life. This negative feeling I had was taking up more and more space in my heart and in my mind, and I wanted to release it. It was growing and I was letting it grow to the point where I would get increasingly furious. I wanted to forgive so that I could embrace positive energy. And I wanted to stop defining the person by their mistakes, because I would never want that done to me. It was hard to do, but I pushed myself.

And almost miraculously, I felt so much better. I felt happy again, I felt in control of my emotions, and I felt free. I realized it was taking me so much more energy to hold on to a rotten feeling than it was to let it go. Only by releasing the past, was I able to embrace my present. And my gift of forgiveness to this person led to a beautiful conversation and to an abundance of love. It was a tranformative moment for me and taught me the way in which I can reflect on my feelings before giving into them.

I encourage you to forgive someone in your life.

(artwork by favianna) 

Why political posters are crucial to OCCUPY & the demands of the 99%

The imagery and posters of the Occupy movement are gaining more and more visibility in magazines, blogs, and design journals. I recently ran across an article in ImprintMagazine.com that highlighted the Occupy Wall Street Journal posters issue, a project that was facilitated by my artist friends Jessy Goldstein, Josh MacPhee and Molly Fair of JustSeeds.org.

Political posters are what most has defined my art making career. I was in my teens in the late 90's when I was started perusing through the political posters that had helped define the 60's and 70's. The demands on many of these posters still spoke to me as a young woman of color, even though they were almost 30 years old. I saw posters about labor rights, about corporate greed, about housing, about women and revolution, and about the right for everyone to participate in a democracy.

I was a young, student activist - daughter of immigrants - who had much to say about the world around me. And political posters became my medium of choice because they contained strong imagery, bold messages, and they could exist at many places in one time (street corners, bus stops, community centers).

Now, we are witnessing a renewed interest in political posters and that's thanks to Occupy and the identity of the 99%. The wave of graphics, imagery, and signage emerging from this movement are demonstrating the powerful role that culture plays in political change, political posters in particular.

History shows us that when social movements grow to national and international levels, they also are accompanied by a culture of resistance. In the case of Occupy, we are seeing the same concepts of collaboration and decentralization in the way that art is being produced. For example, free downloads of posters, and the use of Creative Commons. This is precisely the space in which political posters thrive, and that's why I love to make them!

Carol Wells, one of the most impactful mentors in my art-making, explains, "Protest posters flaunt their politics to generate controversy. Raw and aggressive or polished and sophisticated...Produced in multiples, often with urgency and any means available—offset, lithograph, silkscreen, linocut, stencil, woodcut, photocopy, or laser—few copies survive. Slapped on walls surreptitiously, often at great risk, by collectives and anonymous individuals or carefully fashioned by recognized artists in well-equipped studios, protest posters communicate instantly and directly." 

I've put together A list of reasons why political posters are vital tools in social movements. Many of these bullets apply to culture overall, including music, the written word, comics, public theater, and more. It's my hope that this will inspire you to make your own poster. 

• Posters create a compelling vision of the society that we desire to live in: They challenge the status quo, and are often able to draw comparisons between the society we DO and DON'T want.
  
  
• Posters are Fast: Posters should be read in about 5 seconds. They are designed for someone walking down the street, or for a teacher who wants to put it up in her classroom, or for a quick share online. Text on posters is common and perfectly acceptable, and therefore posters can share a demand, or a call to action. Posters are usually done pretty fast. There's not the same attachment one has to a painting, for example. They key is to get out there!
  
  
• Posters are Simple: Posters are meant to be bold, clear and to the point. That's how we can measure their effectiveness. Posters need to be framed in simple terms - less is more. I usually shoot for 10 words or less. Posters can explain complex ideas and policies and make them clear and accessible to everyday people.
  
  
• Posters are Versatile: Posters can inspire a person to action, or make someone cry, or make someone laugh. They can encourage a viewer to mobilize, or to take an action, or to contemplate an idea, or even to get angry.
  
  
• Posters Encourage Participation: Posters are meant for mass audiences. Their messages often are a a call for a collective identity, whether its around a shared worker identity, a shared Black identity, or in this case, a shared identity around the stories, demands and desires of the 99%.
  
  
• Posters can exist in many places at once: This is true whether its printed, or only exists onlne, or both. A poster is something meant to be shared, pasted on a wall, used as a picket sign, or even a Facebook profile. For many other works of art, the mass distribution of the piece in its original form would likely lessen its value, but not for posters. You want that image to "go viral."

If this is inspiring, you can click here to download out this step-by-step guide that Josh MacPhee and I wrote called Design for Social Change, originally published in the book Reproduce & Revolt.

You can also visit Occupy Design to browse some Design Guidelines by clicking here.

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Credits for Images in this Blog

World Vs. 1% is by Favianna Rodriguez (me), and can be downloaded here.

Foreclose on the 1% is by Melanie Cervantes & Jesus Barraza of Dignidad Rebelde, and can be downloaded here.

We Are Many is by Ruben Ochoa in Mexico, and can be downloaded here.

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Favianna Annual ART Open Studio! This Sat. Dec. 17, Oakland, CA

Don't miss this annual tradition and one of my favorite events of the year, which is when I open my home studio up to some of the work I've completed this year! I only show all my work together once per year, so you don't want to miss it. 

Favianna Rodriguez's Annual ART JAM and OPEN STUDIO

Saturday, December 17, 2011 • 11 am - 8 pm
1505 33rd Ave. OAKLAND, CA 94601 (accessible by BART-Fruitvale)

art prints for every taste, wild prints, elegant prints, quickie prints, happy prints, melancolic prints

• fine art
• limited edition prints & posters
• calendars
• datebooks
• zines & books
• limited edition shirts & dresses
• organic food delights + hot drinks

DJs:  Torrance Rogers, Joe Quixx: Spinning everything from funk to soul to electro to cumbias

This is a family-friendly event. 

Facebook Event Link: click here

Don't Let ICE Deport a Hero of the Occupy Movement! Migrants are also the 99%

Don't Let ICE Deport a Hero of the Occupy Movement! Francisco “Pancho” Ramos-Stierle was arrested on Monday as he was sitting in silent, non-violent protest against the deep inequality that pervades our society and affects so many Latinos and immigrants.

But what makes Pancho different from so many of the "Occupy" protestors who have been arrested is that Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is trying to deport him!

Pancho's information was immediately passed from local police to immigration officials through the Secure Communities (S-COMM) program. So even though the charges against him were dropped, he is still under federal immigration hold. ICE has less than 48 hours to either take him into federal custody or release him and cancel his deportation. This shows you just how messed up our immigration system is!

We can't let that happen. He was bravely standing up for his community, and now we have to stand up for him. Can you take a moment and sign this petition demanding that ICE release Pancho and cancel his deportation immediately?

Click here to sign Petition

Pancho was arrested during an early morning raid on the Occupy Oakland encampment on November 14th. He participated in Occupy Oakland because he was tired of banks and corporations dominating our country's politics.  Our people have suffered disproportionately as corporations and the wealthiest among us gain more and more power. Latinos across immigration statuses have lost a staggering two-thirds of our wealth in the recession. And for the first time in U.S. history, more Latino children are living in poverty than children of any other ethnic group, and more than two-thirds of them have immigrant parents. Meanwhile, corporations such as CCA and GEO are making billions and profiteering by jailing immigrants like Pancho.

Although local courts dropped the charges against Pancho, his fingerprints were immediately forwarded to ICE as soon as he was in custody.  This direct pipeline to ICE and deportation is the hallmark of the Obama administration's S-COMM program - a flawed program that fosters racial profiling against Latinos and authorizes local police to act as immigration officers.  Now, we must fight to get Pancho's deportation cancelled. 

Click here to sign Petition

Art by Xico Gonzalez

Now That We Found Love What Are We Gonna Do?

I've been in a state of major healing, and so I'm slow on my intakes of news. I just heard that Heavy D passed away on November 9th! So I wanted to post some love to this wonderful brother. My best memory of Heavy D is this song, "Now That We Found Love," from 1991.

I traveled to Mexico City in late 91, when I was 13 years old. I left the United States because both me and my parents were concerned about the way "thug life" was beginning to influence me. Although my parents were very strict about how I spent my free time, it still did not prevent me from getting caught up with gangs. I myself was never in a gang, but I associated with people who were, and that left me in a vulnerable place. I loved the thrill of being with people who were breaking the law, but it also freaked me out many times. I could have been hurt and in hindsight, I put myself in dangerous situations.

I witnessed a lot during those pre-teen years. As I think back, seeing young Chicanas and Chicanos get jumped in the streets, or doing drugs when they cut school, all of that was too much for my young eyes to see. I was about 12 years old. I remember feeling like I was very lucky, because I was a total weird kid who really liked school. I was really engaged in my school work, and that's in large part to having my parents spend hours and hours with me and my homework. But I also saw how many youth were not. I don't blame them, I blame the system that discarded them and stopped caring for their educational success. For many of them, gang life is where they found true meaning and community.

All this to say, I had to leave Oakland, California. And my first choice was Mexico City. So I left in August 1991. When I started the 8th grade, I was taking almost 12 courses, including Chemistry, History, Typewriting, Geography, Physics, Drawing, and Dance. The girls were separated from the guys, and all of us girls had to take Dance. For the full semester, my young Mexican dance instructor had us practice a choreographed dance to this song by Heavy D.

What was a funny and ackward learning experience for me is that I thought I could dance! Here I was, a sort-of thuggish girl from Oakland, of course I could dance! I mean, I was from the United States, where hip hop was born. I was the only "gringa" (yes they called me gringa) and this was my music! And I was not a shy girl, I got my dance on pretty early in life, so there was no shame in my game. But I clearly remember these two light-skinned "fresa" Mexican girls, who were twins, who out-shined everyone with their moves. And I'm not talking no modern dance moves, I'm talking about doing some upper-body popping and locking. I was so impressed!...and I was jealous. I was hoping my Americaness would serve me for something in this new country. You know how those teen years are, you are just so eager to impress your peers.

I was too young to understand then, that hip hop had gone global, and that it had reached Mexico City.  

Being in touch with what your body tells you - Rest. Sleep. Rejuvation. Inspiration.

Today I hardly have energy to write. I've been recovering from my surgery and it takes me lots of effort and energy to do small things. My body keeps telling me it wants to do absolutely nothing except lay down and sleep.

Actually it also tells me it wants a cheeseburger and some tortilla soup, but that's another story. (I can't open my jaws because they are healing, so its soft foods and liquids for the most part).

It's been hard for me these last few days because I am someone that moves very fast. I tend to be very productive and get loads done in a single day. But my own personal challenge is learning how to slow down. Now, because of my recovery period, I must slow down. But my mind is not quite there yet.

My friend who is taking care of me told me today to listen to my body. After all, this container that is my blood, my tissues, my skin, my nerves - it will be with me for the rest of my life. It's my soulmate. How do I learn to listen to it more? How can I get more in tune with it so that I can know when its time for me to stop and just sleep. I've been dealing with this question all day. 

I think the most frustrating thing for me has been eating. When I eat, I have to do so slowly and today it hurt me to eat. I really wanted to, but my jaws were too sensitive. So it set me on an rollercoaster of emotions. 

In these next two weeks that await me as I fully heal, I am going to try to listen to my body's needs. As much as I fight it, I have to just...be still, do nothing, just breathe. This is such a simple task, yet its a daunting task for me. It requires for me to let go of the need to "stay busy", a behavior I think I learned from watching my immigrant parents hold down 2-3 jobs, even jobs that would require them to sacrifice their sleep.

Rest. Sleep. Rejuvation. Inspiration.

The artpiece above is called "The Past. The Present." In the piece, I'm making a wish and connecting with the universe.

I'm miserable, happy, and in pain all at the same time

I had surgery to my upper and lower jaw about 1 week ago and since then I've been staying at home, loading up on pain killers, drinking liquids most of the day, and sleeping for big chunks at a time 

Today I grew bored of my soups. I've had everything from squash soup to lamb soup to chicken broth. Basically, I drink anything I can throw in a blender. But today I had it with soups! I've grown tired of staring at the monotonous color of the fluid. My soups are always just 1 color, they take on a funny grey or a brown or a yellow. And what's worse is that they are missing taste. My parents are trying to keep salt away from me because the salt doesn't help my swelling. So on top of bland soup I have ugly soup. 

I'm suppossed to be drinking 100 ounces of fluid a day, which is impossible for me. I'm hovering at about 70 a day, and that means I'm having to get up every few minutes to pee. Even with the sweet smoothies, there's no way I will reach my goal of 100 ounces a day. So what ends up happening is that I get really tired, from lack of energy, and I want to sleep all day. I think its more than the food, it must be that my bones are absorbing all my energy to grow back together. 

I think the medicine is making me crazier and I"m having dreams in loops. Yesterday I swear I kept dreaming the same thing, that I was teaching a class at Stanford and each student was bringing me a smoothie. But I kept wacking up when each student starting giving me advice, I think I woke up like 6 times. 

Many of my friends want to come visit me, and I appreciate it, but right now I just feel like a big baby. I DO want my friends around but I also don't. I'm embarassed about how I look. My face is all swollen up like a bobble head and I look like I got beat up, my cheeks make me look like I'm 5 years old. The purple bruising that extends from my cheeks to my breasts makes me look like I was in a violent accident. And my hair - the little sideways thing I had going is a major #fail right now, it's growing out too much so on top of everything I'm having a bad hair day. 

I don't feel like doing much art right now. Took me lots of energy just to do this. Since I have ice around my head most of the day, it makes my head very heavy and so I can't lean into anything. The most comfortable position is to lay on top of pillows at an angle. Its confy up until I can't breath, because the jaw operation has made my sinuses clog up. So everyone in a while I wake up gasping for air. 

I've given myself permission to be Baby Favi. I whine most of the day and groan from the pain, and I get to have strong pain killers and mope around the house in my stinky pajamas. Actualy I'm not that stinky because my mom forces me to shower everyday. After I do it always feels good. I can only plan for one thing a day because doing anything takes up an immense amount of energy. So today it was doctor visit day. I'm glad my cousin drove me because I was falling asleep on the way back. Everything annoyed me -the cars, the loud rain drops on the glass, the dangling keys. I just couldn't wait to be back home in my bed.

I'm miserable in some moments, happy at others, indifferent as well. I'm excited about what my teeth and my face are gonna look like. The hours pass very slowly. My dogs are getting on my nerves because every sound they make annoys me. Even my turtle is getting on my nerves with all his water flapping. I really need to make art, or maybe not. Maybe I just need to watch movies all day and sleep 18 hours a day. Maybe I need to just sleep for a full two weeks and wake up all healed. 

There is one big lesson in this for me, and that is, that health is precious. My temple that is my body is my lifelong container, and I am learning many little things about it. I'm understanding how it rebuilds it self and how my body in particular reacts to all kind of chemicals. Even drinking liquids has helped me understand where sensations happen around the lips and tongue. I have also understood what it means to be ill, and what it means to be healthy. I have a friend who is suffering from cancer, and my pain is nowhere near what she is feeling. I've been thinking about her a lot. When one is sick and requires the help of others to do basic things, like personal hygiene and eating, it really makes you realize how delicate life is, how important our own health is. I'm so thankful for my parents who are taking care of me, they make me kale juices and share their family health recipes. My mom really cautions me to lay off the drugs, she explains how much they actually stay in my body. She is refuses to let me drink Ensure and instead blends all my veggies and fruits. Yesterday she refused to give me a potato soup because she said it will affect my dookie schedule, that right now I had to keep it on veggies and fruits. But I ended up sneaking in a french fry soup anyway, made it with left over chicken broth and french fries. It was delicious! 

"Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner of later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place." -Susan Sontag, Illness As Metaphor, 1978

 

I'm getting my jaws cut after a decade of waiting

I'm going to keep this short because in a few hours, I will be heading to the hospital to get surgery. Both my upper and lower jaws will be cut. I am a little fearful, a bit anxious, but more than anything, I'm excited. I'm an artist so I love to talk about dramatic moments like these, so will share a bit about how I got here.

I've been trying to fix my teeth since I was 15 years old, and even at that age, my orthodontist said I would need surgery to correct my bite. But my family didn't have a lot of stability back then when it came to health insurance, and we all know how expensive dental and orthodontic work can be.

When I entered my late 20's, I decided I wanted to fix my teeth. So I started on a healthcare plan and began the inquiry process of how I could get braces. Initially, my wisdom teeth were in the way, so those came out. When I was finally ready to get braces back in 2003, my doctors at the time advised me to locate a health care provider that would enable me to have surgery. I failed on that front because I was rejected by Blue Cross. So I shopped around.

I didn't end up getting my braces till 2009, six years later. It was a climatic moment for me. Here I was, 31 years old, finally getting my teeth fixed. I knew when I was 15 that I needed them, so I was proud that in my adult life I could make it happen for myself. Getting my teeth aligned took another two years. And now, they are ready for the surgery.

So here is what I'm getting: Upper and Lower Jaw surgery, meaning my jaws will be cut, readjusted, and I will be wired shut for a few weeks, on a liquid diet. I know I will have some pain, that's inevitable. But I'm kinda curious about what it will be like to enjoy my food in liquid form. To be able to taste every little ingredient, and flavor. After I'm wired, the liquid will have to travel down the insides of my mouth into my throat. This means, I have to eat slowly.

In reality I have no idea what to expect, but more than anything, I am excited for my new smile. I'm excited to be able to chew correctly, to have a balanced bite.

Today I had my last solid meal for a while. I pigged out on my favorite - on hamachi sushi, on soba noodles, on grilled butterfish. Everything tasted so good.

In an odd way, my teeth are teaching me a story about my life. I'm learning about how good things happen slowly, I'm learning to be patient, to be consistent. I live such a fast paced life, that I'm hardly able to slow down, even though I want to. Now, I really have to slow down, and move slowly. The journey to get this far is a journey that's required me to be creative, flexible and curious. It's amazing to me, for example, to learn about how bones can regrow and reattach to themselves after they break. The transformation that our bodies undergo are great lessons for real life.

Today I smiled a lot. Because my smile is about to change. Change is good.

How my art practice helps me navigate emotional rollercoasters - New works!

I recently got the lines in my hand read by a professional handreader. I was skeptical first, but I must admit she nailed a lot of aspects of my personality.

One thing that she said which stood out the most to me was that my head and heart were very connected, to the point where I am not able to differentiate which voices is coming from where. She said that I must get into a better habit of articulating what my feelings are, that I must find ways to be emotionally authentic - that is, I have to be truthful and honest about what my emotions may be.

That statement gave me some pause. For the most part, I thought that I was pretty vocal about my emotions, but on closer introspect, I realized this was not so. I'm definitely pretty good at expressing joy, enthusiasm, excitement - but I am very bad at expressing myself when I feel insecure, or vulnerable, or lonely. When I feel this way, I often don't say it in a way that is constructive, on the contrary, I think I behave moody, and I become isolated.

However, I have found that in my art, I am very honest. I can translate all of my feelings pretty accurately. I can take what I feel and try to put it into a visual language. The handreader said that she could see that I was a very dedicated artist, and in that context, I had no trouble at all putting my thoughts into my artwork. But that I had to get into the practice of releasing it verbally as well.

I imagine this must be common with many artists...I certainly thought that releasing my emotions onto a piece of paper was enough, but I can see why it may not be. I can see the value in also speaking my truth.

The images posted in this entry are some recent pieces of pieces I did when I was going though some rough emotions this summer. They are a bit different than my usual style. That is because my instructor encouraged me to not be afraid of showing the ugliness.

New Poster for OCCUPY "The World Vs. the 1%" and some Tips for Artists

I'm just back from New York City where I had the opportunity to visit Occupy Wall Street and connect with artists who are mobilizing on the Occupy front. INSPIRING!!

My friends at Justseeds, a collective of which I'm a proud member, is incorporating posters into the upcoming issue of the Occupied Wall Street Journal (pretty rad eh?) Here is my new piece for that project.

You can download my new poster by clicking here.

As an artist that works in the social justice sector, the collective and powerful energy behind the Occupy Wall Street movement, which has suddenly erupted and spread across the country - the world-  has created many openings for those of us who were engaged in these battles. Whatever folks may say about how white it is (in some places it is), this global social movement is one that is focused entirely around the true cost of capitalism, the excessive power of corporations and banks, and the economic devastation being imposed on people around the world. The fact that its even acceptable for us to critique capitalism in mainstream conversations and in mainstream media, opens many doors for activists artists, and for the entire social justice sector overall. I find it inspiring that this movement has at its core, a thriving arts and culture component.

I was inspired by an article I read in Colorlines today, where Rinku Sen (love her!) wrote:

There does turn out to be a time that a cause, identified with a particular tactic, activates people to an extent previously unseen. So many factors feed into that moment. Some elements are tangible...But some of these elements are intangible. We can’t predict them and we can’t control for them...The best we can do is open our eyes when it’s right on top of us...Organizations can speed up by shifting some of their priorities...They can be willing to share their planning and tactical skills even for an effort that they do not control and for which they will not likely get credit.

As a woman of color, and as a Latina working predominantly in spaces that affect la Raza, the current moment offers me the opportunity to talk about how Wall Street has affected our families. In case you didn't see it, Pew Research center recently released a report on how Latino Household Wealth fell by 66% from 2005 to 2009. That means we lost 2/3 of our community's assets! Now that's an important reason why Latinos should care about the Occupy movmenet.

At the center of this debate is student loans, foreclosesures, debt, jobs, and the ability for all people to take care of their families. You can check out the data from the "We Are the 99%" Tumblr website to see what I mean. My next posters will focus on these areas, because I strongly believe that beyond the meta-narrative that is the "We Are the 99%", we also need to talk about how these issues affect our communities in tangible ways. That is how we can educate people in our communities and build some buy in. I'm thinking about my parents for example, who are struggling with their mortgage. How can they understand that the 99% includes them? What will it take for them to really get it? - That is my personal challenge as an artist.

I believe that its important that artists and cultural workers in particular think of how we can participate in this anti-capitalismt movement in THREE WAYS:

1) Develop cultural projects (posters, street art, plays, stories, songs) that help ALL people (not just white people) see HOW the financial crisis is relevant to them and why NOW is a key moment. This is what I would call, "Intersectional Work" - where we address the financial crisis and its relationship to criminal justice, to migrant rights, and to the dramatic loss of wealth in communities of color.

2) Develop Cultural projects that build momentum to the narrative that is the 99%. The power of this large concept is key. We have to keep folks excited, and continue to push out larger concepts such as the 99%, or the "Wall Street is Ruining Your Life" meme. This meta narrative must continue to blossom and thrive. In other words, bust out the anti-capitalist work, that message is what lots of folks are hungry for.

3) Cultural projects attached to specific actions. I think its key to connect folks to specific things they can do now, such as the forgiveness of student debt, which I recently saw circulated on MoveOn. The fact that this movement is largely decentralized, means we can support many struggles at the same time. We don't need just one campaign, we need thousands of them.

You can download my new poster by clicking here.

Images from Woodblocks in Progress. Update from Syracuse, NY

I'm hard at work on some new prints. Pictures say so much more than words. The title of this piece is "Heartbeat City" named after one of my favorite songs from the Cars.

 

Must WATCH: Immigrant abuse exposed in new documentary

A very powerful documentary will air on PBS next week and I have a sneak peak I want to share. (For those of you who may not know, I'm also the founder of a national Latin@ organization called Presente.org)

On Tuesday, October 18th, award-winning journalist Maria Hinojosa presents the groundbreaking documentary Lost in Detention. I was honored to meet Maria earlier this year to give her an award, so I'm a HUGE fan!

Her new docu is an exposé that reveals the devastating consequences of the mass incarceration of immigrants, and the harsh toll it takes on families, women and children. Presente.org spoke with Hinojosa in an exclusive interview.  Click below to watch and then forward this email to friends and family and post this video on Facebook and Twitter.

http://act.presente.org/signup/lostindetention/

The astonishing and unprecedented footage in Lost in Detention has the power to change how people understand the immigration crisis and motivate them to act.  The film starts with the highly criticized Secure Communities (S-Comm) program and goes on to give a look at the overall system of detention and incarceration – and on the physical and sexual abuse that has become commonplace.

Click here for more information on Lost in Detention and to find your local listing.

Take a quick peak at my new oversize woodblock! No fear no fear!

After nonstop flying and no sleep for 36 hours, I busted out this drawing and am starting on some printing today! I'm at Syracuse University in the Printmaking Department with fellow artist, Dusty Herbig!

I'm excited to be monoprinting and tackling this big board!

I'm peeking around studio and ran into a dope print by Canonball Press.Hellz yeah! "A good craftsman never blames his tools!" Yep yep. Blame the sleep deprivation.

I am an Onion with Many Layers to Peel - New Artpiece

This past week I've been in a lot conversations around love, heartbreak and solitude.. and it's made me appreciate the choices I've made to prioritize my growth and self exploration rather than being in a relationship at this particular moment in my life.

I was in a relationship for almost seven years which started in my early 20's. Now, in my early thirties, I feel like I'm in a time where I'm learning how to be the woman I want to be. I'm confronting shadows from my past, learning about the things that turn me on, learning about what kind of path I want to set for myself, dreaming about all the places I want to live and practice my art in - Berlin, Rome, Mexico City, Tokyo. I guess I'm in a relationship with life itself. 

Yet I don't feel alone, I feel loved and appreciated by many people. When I yearn for attention, I seek it out. When I want to be touched and hugged and cuddled, I also seek it out. I've learned to ask for things when they come up. It's been a hard path, to learn how to speak up and express what my needs are, including when I want to be in my solitude. Yet speaking up for what I want, not just in love, but in all of my life, has helped me forge a road of independence that is not always encouraged in women, especially women of color. I figure that life is too short to not speak up for what makes you happy.

If I were to remember what the hardest part about me speaking up was in my childhood, I would say it was guilt. I would feel guilty for making out with girls and guys in hidden corners, or guilty for having big boobs, or guilty for wanting to go hang out with guys, or guilty about not helping my mom out with the cleaning. I grew up in a Catholic household and guilt was a part of my daily routine.

I have no need for guilt anymore, that constant negative voice that doesn't let you fully flourish. Guilt would make me afraid to fail and disapoint, but in my new self, I'm not afraid of that anymore...well, I try.

RIght now, my art and my activism bring me an immense amount of satisfaction, wonder and experiences. Through my art I've learned so much about myself. Sometimes I notice that I'm drawing a lot of my unconscious thoughts.

Today I was on the BART and a lovely Latino dude walked up to me and sat down. He asked me if I was "single, married, divorced, widowed." I said, "I'm a happy artist." And he replied, "Do you have a boyfriend?" And I said, "I don't have space for anyone else in my life right now. I'm learning how to make that space...its taking me a long time" He was intrigued and a bit confused, and kept saying things to make me feel like I was crazy for wanting to be alone. His pushiness didn't bother me actually, because as he talked and talked, he told me how many nights he had spent alone when he would hop on trains from Honduras to Arizona. He was an migrant who had come to the United States on the tops of trains, in search of work. He asked me what I did, and I told him I made art about global issues, like immigration. I told him I made art about people like him. I kept asking him to tell me more about his life, because it inspired me. And the more he shared, the less he hit on me. It was...interesting.

I made this piece because I feel like I have a lot of secrets. As open as I try to be, there's still a lot I hide that are things I've been shamed for in my past. I think that part of my journey is to shed that shame and embrace the complex creature I am. I show myself in this piece like an onion hed. If I were to be an onion, I would be a red one.

Being an artist has given me a voice. My art is what helps me make sense of life.

...cebollita...

 

When I'm frustrated at my inability to organize my time - Spellbound

I've hardly been writing, although its something I love to do.

Why? Because I'm stuck doing admin stuff like organizing reimbursement requests, doing grant reports, replying to emails, deleting emails... I have not had time to do the two things that make me the happiest, to write and to make art. It's been almost 3 weeks now.

I believe that time is my most valuable asset as an aritst. In fact I write about this often. I wrote about it back in January, you can read it here. What I think I have not yet learned is how to cut things out of my life. I'm not really great at saying no, I'm easily distracted (I have 20 windows open now on my computer), and I don't always know how to prioritize my time. I am working on so many projects that they compete for attention in my brain.

I was recently watching an animation about the perception of time, and a study found that most people in this country believe that they are much busier than the year before. In fact the study found that most people in the U.S. wish they had more time for family, friends and SLEEP. Wow! And here I thought I was the only one!

These past few weeks have been so overwhelming, that they have inspired me to consider changing my habits. I made a short list just to make myself feel like I'm taking a step, which is to imagine another kind of possibility. 

1. Be More Present - The one bad habit that I have is that I'm always thinking about what I have to do next, so its hard for me to enjoy the moment, now. Like right now I'm thinking about tomorrow morning, acckk! The problem that this presents is that it builds up stress inside of me, so that I can't fully enjoy the current moment.

2. Cut out Distractions - People chatter at me all day long and I'm bad at asking them to NOT talk to me. But I realize I produce much better work when people don't distract me. Otherwise, I have to stop what I'm doing and I lose my focus. Simple....but hard to do. I also don't like wearing earphones because I feel like I'm getting distracted by music. Silence works for me. Yeahhhh!! Silence!

3. Get more sleep - Sounds easy. I'm more creative and more pleasant when I sleep 8 hours. I always deprive myself, but in the long run, I'm losing out. I have to stop.

4. Say No. Ok, the most obvious, but hardest thing. How do I tell all my friends I rather be writing in my journal and reading trashy graphic novels than going out dancing? How do I accept that I'm a hermit most of the time? Still gotta work on figuring this out because when I want to, I am super social and I like to make people laugh, but I also like to be alone - alot!

5. LImit my email and cell phone time. I am slowly trying to do less email. Email is like a constant, loud waterfall. It never ceases, it comes in big shots, its constant. I am now trying to send less emails and the truth is that I can't respond to more than 1/2 of them. So I delete them. But trying to do LESS email means shutting off your inbox. Or checking it less times per day. I wish I could check it once and that's it. ONCE a day!

As for my cellphone, I'm tired of it. Lately I've been turning off the sound so that I can't hear when calls come in nor texts. That helps me not get distracted.

That's my time rant for the night.

I recently did an art piece about my friend (see above), who continuously feels trapped by his past, and who is trying to study the ways in which his own limitations contain him. He sometimes shuts me out, but I push myself back in. I made this portrait about him and the shadows that he is trying to fight of, the shadows that try to contain him. The piece is named after one of my favorite songs from Souxie and the Banshees - Spellbound. In moments like these, I think I'm this person in this box.This song ROCKS!

Do you believe in Art & Love? Culture Shift this Fri. Oct. 8 in San Francisco

On Saturday, October 8, 2011
, from 10:00 AM – 8:00 PM, I'll be a featured artist at Culture Shift, a gathering of artist, organizers and funders who believe in the power of art to change the world. This event is organized by Art is Change and brings together diverse yet like-minded communities to explore, create, exchange and recommit to the power of art, culture and creativity in re-imagining the world.

Participants will engage in creative practice, interact with transformative artists and exchange ideas and tools to build and sustain communities based on the principles of love and human connection. Participants will leave better informed and having had critical conversations that will shift and deepen their analysis and understanding of the critical nature of culture in building movement strategy.
Register and offer your voice to this important conversation.  For more information and to purchase tickets, click here.

I'll be presenting together with Paloma McGregor and Jasiri X. Paloma is a writer, teacher, choreographer and co-founder of Angela's Pulse, which creates collaborative performance work. Jasiri X is an emcee and community activist, and the creative force and artist behind the ground breaking internet news series, This Week with Jasiri X, which has garnered critical acclaim, thousands of subscribers, and millions of internet views.I just checked out his viral video, What if the Tea Party was Black?- hot video, check it out.

The event will take place in San Francisco's Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. Check it out!