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I'm getting my jaws cut after a decade of waiting

I'm going to keep this short because in a few hours, I will be heading to the hospital to get surgery. Both my upper and lower jaws will be cut. I am a little fearful, a bit anxious, but more than anything, I'm excited. I'm an artist so I love to talk about dramatic moments like these, so will share a bit about how I got here.

I've been trying to fix my teeth since I was 15 years old, and even at that age, my orthodontist said I would need surgery to correct my bite. But my family didn't have a lot of stability back then when it came to health insurance, and we all know how expensive dental and orthodontic work can be.

When I entered my late 20's, I decided I wanted to fix my teeth. So I started on a healthcare plan and began the inquiry process of how I could get braces. Initially, my wisdom teeth were in the way, so those came out. When I was finally ready to get braces back in 2003, my doctors at the time advised me to locate a health care provider that would enable me to have surgery. I failed on that front because I was rejected by Blue Cross. So I shopped around.

I didn't end up getting my braces till 2009, six years later. It was a climatic moment for me. Here I was, 31 years old, finally getting my teeth fixed. I knew when I was 15 that I needed them, so I was proud that in my adult life I could make it happen for myself. Getting my teeth aligned took another two years. And now, they are ready for the surgery.

So here is what I'm getting: Upper and Lower Jaw surgery, meaning my jaws will be cut, readjusted, and I will be wired shut for a few weeks, on a liquid diet. I know I will have some pain, that's inevitable. But I'm kinda curious about what it will be like to enjoy my food in liquid form. To be able to taste every little ingredient, and flavor. After I'm wired, the liquid will have to travel down the insides of my mouth into my throat. This means, I have to eat slowly.

In reality I have no idea what to expect, but more than anything, I am excited for my new smile. I'm excited to be able to chew correctly, to have a balanced bite.

Today I had my last solid meal for a while. I pigged out on my favorite - on hamachi sushi, on soba noodles, on grilled butterfish. Everything tasted so good.

In an odd way, my teeth are teaching me a story about my life. I'm learning about how good things happen slowly, I'm learning to be patient, to be consistent. I live such a fast paced life, that I'm hardly able to slow down, even though I want to. Now, I really have to slow down, and move slowly. The journey to get this far is a journey that's required me to be creative, flexible and curious. It's amazing to me, for example, to learn about how bones can regrow and reattach to themselves after they break. The transformation that our bodies undergo are great lessons for real life.

Today I smiled a lot. Because my smile is about to change. Change is good.

How my art practice helps me navigate emotional rollercoasters - New works!

I recently got the lines in my hand read by a professional handreader. I was skeptical first, but I must admit she nailed a lot of aspects of my personality.

One thing that she said which stood out the most to me was that my head and heart were very connected, to the point where I am not able to differentiate which voices is coming from where. She said that I must get into a better habit of articulating what my feelings are, that I must find ways to be emotionally authentic - that is, I have to be truthful and honest about what my emotions may be.

That statement gave me some pause. For the most part, I thought that I was pretty vocal about my emotions, but on closer introspect, I realized this was not so. I'm definitely pretty good at expressing joy, enthusiasm, excitement - but I am very bad at expressing myself when I feel insecure, or vulnerable, or lonely. When I feel this way, I often don't say it in a way that is constructive, on the contrary, I think I behave moody, and I become isolated.

However, I have found that in my art, I am very honest. I can translate all of my feelings pretty accurately. I can take what I feel and try to put it into a visual language. The handreader said that she could see that I was a very dedicated artist, and in that context, I had no trouble at all putting my thoughts into my artwork. But that I had to get into the practice of releasing it verbally as well.

I imagine this must be common with many artists...I certainly thought that releasing my emotions onto a piece of paper was enough, but I can see why it may not be. I can see the value in also speaking my truth.

The images posted in this entry are some recent pieces of pieces I did when I was going though some rough emotions this summer. They are a bit different than my usual style. That is because my instructor encouraged me to not be afraid of showing the ugliness.

New Poster for OCCUPY "The World Vs. the 1%" and some Tips for Artists

I'm just back from New York City where I had the opportunity to visit Occupy Wall Street and connect with artists who are mobilizing on the Occupy front. INSPIRING!!

My friends at Justseeds, a collective of which I'm a proud member, is incorporating posters into the upcoming issue of the Occupied Wall Street Journal (pretty rad eh?) Here is my new piece for that project.

You can download my new poster by clicking here.

As an artist that works in the social justice sector, the collective and powerful energy behind the Occupy Wall Street movement, which has suddenly erupted and spread across the country - the world-  has created many openings for those of us who were engaged in these battles. Whatever folks may say about how white it is (in some places it is), this global social movement is one that is focused entirely around the true cost of capitalism, the excessive power of corporations and banks, and the economic devastation being imposed on people around the world. The fact that its even acceptable for us to critique capitalism in mainstream conversations and in mainstream media, opens many doors for activists artists, and for the entire social justice sector overall. I find it inspiring that this movement has at its core, a thriving arts and culture component.

I was inspired by an article I read in Colorlines today, where Rinku Sen (love her!) wrote:

There does turn out to be a time that a cause, identified with a particular tactic, activates people to an extent previously unseen. So many factors feed into that moment. Some elements are tangible...But some of these elements are intangible. We can’t predict them and we can’t control for them...The best we can do is open our eyes when it’s right on top of us...Organizations can speed up by shifting some of their priorities...They can be willing to share their planning and tactical skills even for an effort that they do not control and for which they will not likely get credit.

As a woman of color, and as a Latina working predominantly in spaces that affect la Raza, the current moment offers me the opportunity to talk about how Wall Street has affected our families. In case you didn't see it, Pew Research center recently released a report on how Latino Household Wealth fell by 66% from 2005 to 2009. That means we lost 2/3 of our community's assets! Now that's an important reason why Latinos should care about the Occupy movmenet.

At the center of this debate is student loans, foreclosesures, debt, jobs, and the ability for all people to take care of their families. You can check out the data from the "We Are the 99%" Tumblr website to see what I mean. My next posters will focus on these areas, because I strongly believe that beyond the meta-narrative that is the "We Are the 99%", we also need to talk about how these issues affect our communities in tangible ways. That is how we can educate people in our communities and build some buy in. I'm thinking about my parents for example, who are struggling with their mortgage. How can they understand that the 99% includes them? What will it take for them to really get it? - That is my personal challenge as an artist.

I believe that its important that artists and cultural workers in particular think of how we can participate in this anti-capitalismt movement in THREE WAYS:

1) Develop cultural projects (posters, street art, plays, stories, songs) that help ALL people (not just white people) see HOW the financial crisis is relevant to them and why NOW is a key moment. This is what I would call, "Intersectional Work" - where we address the financial crisis and its relationship to criminal justice, to migrant rights, and to the dramatic loss of wealth in communities of color.

2) Develop Cultural projects that build momentum to the narrative that is the 99%. The power of this large concept is key. We have to keep folks excited, and continue to push out larger concepts such as the 99%, or the "Wall Street is Ruining Your Life" meme. This meta narrative must continue to blossom and thrive. In other words, bust out the anti-capitalist work, that message is what lots of folks are hungry for.

3) Cultural projects attached to specific actions. I think its key to connect folks to specific things they can do now, such as the forgiveness of student debt, which I recently saw circulated on MoveOn. The fact that this movement is largely decentralized, means we can support many struggles at the same time. We don't need just one campaign, we need thousands of them.

You can download my new poster by clicking here.

Images from Woodblocks in Progress. Update from Syracuse, NY

I'm hard at work on some new prints. Pictures say so much more than words. The title of this piece is "Heartbeat City" named after one of my favorite songs from the Cars.

 

Must WATCH: Immigrant abuse exposed in new documentary

A very powerful documentary will air on PBS next week and I have a sneak peak I want to share. (For those of you who may not know, I'm also the founder of a national Latin@ organization called Presente.org)

On Tuesday, October 18th, award-winning journalist Maria Hinojosa presents the groundbreaking documentary Lost in Detention. I was honored to meet Maria earlier this year to give her an award, so I'm a HUGE fan!

Her new docu is an exposé that reveals the devastating consequences of the mass incarceration of immigrants, and the harsh toll it takes on families, women and children. Presente.org spoke with Hinojosa in an exclusive interview.  Click below to watch and then forward this email to friends and family and post this video on Facebook and Twitter.

http://act.presente.org/signup/lostindetention/

The astonishing and unprecedented footage in Lost in Detention has the power to change how people understand the immigration crisis and motivate them to act.  The film starts with the highly criticized Secure Communities (S-Comm) program and goes on to give a look at the overall system of detention and incarceration – and on the physical and sexual abuse that has become commonplace.

Click here for more information on Lost in Detention and to find your local listing.

Take a quick peak at my new oversize woodblock! No fear no fear!

After nonstop flying and no sleep for 36 hours, I busted out this drawing and am starting on some printing today! I'm at Syracuse University in the Printmaking Department with fellow artist, Dusty Herbig!

I'm excited to be monoprinting and tackling this big board!

I'm peeking around studio and ran into a dope print by Canonball Press.Hellz yeah! "A good craftsman never blames his tools!" Yep yep. Blame the sleep deprivation.

I am an Onion with Many Layers to Peel - New Artpiece

This past week I've been in a lot conversations around love, heartbreak and solitude.. and it's made me appreciate the choices I've made to prioritize my growth and self exploration rather than being in a relationship at this particular moment in my life.

I was in a relationship for almost seven years which started in my early 20's. Now, in my early thirties, I feel like I'm in a time where I'm learning how to be the woman I want to be. I'm confronting shadows from my past, learning about the things that turn me on, learning about what kind of path I want to set for myself, dreaming about all the places I want to live and practice my art in - Berlin, Rome, Mexico City, Tokyo. I guess I'm in a relationship with life itself. 

Yet I don't feel alone, I feel loved and appreciated by many people. When I yearn for attention, I seek it out. When I want to be touched and hugged and cuddled, I also seek it out. I've learned to ask for things when they come up. It's been a hard path, to learn how to speak up and express what my needs are, including when I want to be in my solitude. Yet speaking up for what I want, not just in love, but in all of my life, has helped me forge a road of independence that is not always encouraged in women, especially women of color. I figure that life is too short to not speak up for what makes you happy.

If I were to remember what the hardest part about me speaking up was in my childhood, I would say it was guilt. I would feel guilty for making out with girls and guys in hidden corners, or guilty for having big boobs, or guilty for wanting to go hang out with guys, or guilty about not helping my mom out with the cleaning. I grew up in a Catholic household and guilt was a part of my daily routine.

I have no need for guilt anymore, that constant negative voice that doesn't let you fully flourish. Guilt would make me afraid to fail and disapoint, but in my new self, I'm not afraid of that anymore...well, I try.

RIght now, my art and my activism bring me an immense amount of satisfaction, wonder and experiences. Through my art I've learned so much about myself. Sometimes I notice that I'm drawing a lot of my unconscious thoughts.

Today I was on the BART and a lovely Latino dude walked up to me and sat down. He asked me if I was "single, married, divorced, widowed." I said, "I'm a happy artist." And he replied, "Do you have a boyfriend?" And I said, "I don't have space for anyone else in my life right now. I'm learning how to make that space...its taking me a long time" He was intrigued and a bit confused, and kept saying things to make me feel like I was crazy for wanting to be alone. His pushiness didn't bother me actually, because as he talked and talked, he told me how many nights he had spent alone when he would hop on trains from Honduras to Arizona. He was an migrant who had come to the United States on the tops of trains, in search of work. He asked me what I did, and I told him I made art about global issues, like immigration. I told him I made art about people like him. I kept asking him to tell me more about his life, because it inspired me. And the more he shared, the less he hit on me. It was...interesting.

I made this piece because I feel like I have a lot of secrets. As open as I try to be, there's still a lot I hide that are things I've been shamed for in my past. I think that part of my journey is to shed that shame and embrace the complex creature I am. I show myself in this piece like an onion hed. If I were to be an onion, I would be a red one.

Being an artist has given me a voice. My art is what helps me make sense of life.

...cebollita...