I've finally wound up a long set of hectic days of non-stop art making and have been itching to write this.
Last Wednesday evening, the day before International Women's Day, I was sitting at my computer and I decided to do something I had always wanted to do - artwork about SLUT POSITIVITY. I've blogged often about my own exploration and sexual liberation, blogged about open relationships, and the satisfaction and empowerment I feel in my singlehood. And I'm always searching for ways to celebrate sexuality in a way that breaks boundaries, challenges old notions (even "progressive" notions), and does away with gender roles.
But I haven't always been successful.
I think it's due to self-censorship and the fact that I box myself into a specific way of depicting women in my art. It's not always intentional, but in my work I usually stick to portraying of women as fierce, empowered, and overall ass-kickers, but rarely do I go into the sexual or erotic space. Rarely do I use satire, or comedy to communicate a message. And rarely do I show my characters as highly sexualized, even though, I would prefer to. This is the result of living in a patriarchal society. As a woman artist, I have to operate within the context that we live in a sexist world that objectifies women, and so part of my goal is to offset these message by showing women as powerful.
But then again, it's not fun to repress the sexual, sensual aspects of who I am, or who I want my characters to be. By creating artwork only within the context of my oppression, I don't think I'm being truly liberated.
So last week, things changed for me as I was grappling with this contradiction.
I grew more and more enraged by the expanding assault on women's access to reproductive healthcare - amd something in me snapped. I got fed up with the patriarchal BS, I decided it was time to strike some fear into the hearts of those male, masogenist conservatives who think they can run over us.
So I trusted my voice and started working on my images. And shortly after midnight, I posted my 3 Slut Power posters (see the previous post). I had no idea they would be as well received as they were, and within seconds, I was just washed over with love, support, and just some straight up "you go girl!" power from sistahs all over the country. It was amazing!
I felt like a slut who just came out the closet. I felt good, empowered, able to be my full self, even my sexual full self - even if that intimidated or made others uncomfortable. I also was glad to see how many others sluts came out. And it felt like a moment where we we women were "burning draws and bras," as a fellow artist playfully said.
For me, receiving all the support from folks like YOU, folks who read my blog, who follow my work on Facebook and Twitter - knowing that you were spreading my work gave me a sense of self. It made me realize I had to be true to myself, even when I fear to be. I've been in progressive circles where I've witnessed slut shaming, and while I've tried to speak out, I've felt like a tiny voice. I have always been teased, called "white", called crazy, for the beliefs that I have about my sexuality and sexual freedom in general.
From men and women alike, I have heard that my ideas around sexuality are impractical, they could never work, and that I'll never find a "man" who would accept the things I want to explore. Quite simply, what I want is to be able to be my full sexual self, in my full potential. I don't want to constrain myself to heterosexist, and religion-based constructs that have for centuries said that women are men's property, and therefore, one has to be with only one person, preferably for life (marriage). It's not that I don't believe one could have a life partner - it's that I don't want to be restrained by a model of how things HAVE TO BE. And monogamy is one of those models.
I've always challenged monogamy, because I have seen people be so frustrated with themselves when they don't suceed at the "ideal" relationship, or when they fail - which so many people do. I've seen loads of folks cheat, or hide their true feelings, or conceal their desire for others. At what point are we going to see that the constructs for love, sex and relationships in our society are just plain outdated?
Well, for me this has been a life challenge. Because I have always felt like an outsider. In a way, I believe this is why art has found me, or I have found art. Because art provides me with a framework to explore these ideas, to share them, to talk about them - in a way that is conducive to a sensual experience - by sensual I mean that ignites all the senses plus the mind. Art has been a place where I feel safe, where I don't have to be a woman, nor a woman of color, nor even a human. Art is that space where I can be anything - and so, I'm proud of myself for exploring ideas even when I expect them to be unpopular.
Last week changed my life, and reminded me of the power of authencity. The fact that I must be authentic to myself. Not doing so is a disservice to my craft, to my practice and even to the people who admire what I do. I have to be able to take risks, piss people off, make people uncomfortable. I do this in my art to some degree with the political topics I explore, but rarely have I taken this to the very basic human activity we call sex. Rarely do I use it to talk about what it means generally to be a woman, to have a Punani that the system wants to control - not just in the health context, but in the relationship context, in the context of being human.
Day after day, I see the way in which the media, law makers, even our own family devalue women to objects that need to be "kept safe by men." Fuck that.
I took that lesson with me this week, when I went to go paint a wall in Los Angeles. I was a on a high from the days before, and I felt free, like I coudl do anything. My task was to fly to LA, sleep a few hours, start a mural at 5 am, and paint it till 1 pm, when the next artist would follow. My task was to do this all in front of a time-lapse camera.
As I sat on the plane, I felt good about my practice, I felt comfortable in my own skin, and ready to rock that wall. I felt that it was my responsiblity to represent proper for all the yougn women of color out there who dream of being artists, painters, singers- but who will never be able to do it because of how our educational systems are set up. I felt good to be on my path.
Photos from the Los Angeles Wall - UNSTOPPABLE!
(Special thanks to my fellow artist and graphic novel author, Gan Golan, helped me with some of my humor for the SLUT Posters)